Speaking of Immigration


Author: Michael Meyn - April 22nd, 2006

When I was a kid some of the most popular jokes were the “Mommie! Mommie!” jokes. Here is an example:

“Mommie! Mommie! Everybody at school is saying my feet are too big!”

“That’s ridiculous! Now go put your shoes in the garage and come to dinner.”

Funny, huh? Well, I liked them and this is my favorite one:

“Mommie! Mommie! I don’t want to go to America!”

“Shut up and keep swimming!”

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Eat in Peace


Author: Juergen Krafzik - April 17th, 2006

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Any questions, Dummycrats?


Author: Michael Meyn - April 7th, 2006

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Dummygration Problem


Author: Michael Meyn - April 2nd, 2006

Becoming a citizen of the United States is a long and (sometimes) nerve wrecking process. The naturalization itself can be completed within eight to twelve months, but the whole procedure from the first work permit to the day one actually becomes an American citizen will take many years. There’s tons of forms to fill out, countless hours of standing in line at the Immigration and Naturalization Services (INS) and lots of frustration because at some point something will go wrong and one has to go back to get the error fixed. On top of that it costs money and although it’s not a fortune it’s not cheap, either.

Despite all that I never really expected it to be easy. If you are from Germany you know that most things take time. Try moving from one place to another in Germany and get your phone hooked up and you will know what I’m talking about. Try finding a parking spot in Germany and I assure you that you will never consider moving there once you’ve tried. German rock stars have written songs about that problem!

If I weren’t a Christian I would swear right now that it never occurred to me to bring a German flag to any of my interviews with the INS or demand a green card, let alone my citizenship on the grounds of me being the backbone of America. Sure, I let my imagination run wild sometimes but I guess my imagination is very limited.

Watching hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants marching the streets of American cities to protest tougher immigration laws is deeply disturbing to me. It’s worse than what’s going on in France right now, where people refuse to accept the fact that they could actually get fired from their jobs at some point. And in my opinion it’s worse than all those Islamic extremist pinheads insisting nobody should ever be allowed to draw a picture of the prophet Muhammad.

Yes, I do realize that most illegal immigrants come to America hoping for a better life and mean no harm to anybody. And I do understand why people who live in poverty make the decision to take the illegal route instead of waiting for years to be allowed into the country. The real problem is rooted not so much in them but in politics.

When I read this and dozens of other articles I can only scratch my head in disbelieve. What’s going on in Washington? The Dummycrats have finally found a way to tackle the Republicans (at least they think they have) and you can watch them drooling all over the Senate floor in excitement. They oppose anything that would have the slightest chance of getting illegal immigration under control and at the same time they promise us: “We will take care of national security!” Not only is this utterly ridiculous, it’s scary!

Politicians should always have the nation’s best interest at heart. You would think. Of course, it’s not the case. Political power seems to be the great motivator for most people in the Senate as well as in the House. That’s the way it has always been and it will probably never change. The only way to keep these people in check and manipulate their actions is by us going to the ballot box and make a clear statement with our vote.

I’m convinced that most Americans will do so in the next election. I cannot imagine Dummycrats getting any traction on this issue. It has never been this obvious that they are playing political games at the cost of the safety of the American people. You’d have to be insane to vote for these people!

P.S. If I keep robbing banks, can I demand to own one some day? Sure, it’s illegal but if I’m doing it anyway …

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Eureka!


Author: Michael Meyn - March 29th, 2006

Finally somebody is stepping up to the plate. The Dummycrats are back in full swing and Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid promises this:

“We’re uniting behind a national security agenda that is tough and smart and will provide the real security George Bush has promised but failed to deliver.”

Excellent! We have been waiting for somebody to pick up the slack. It seems only logical that the national security agenda of the Left will focus on issues somewhere between stopping port-deals and handing out green cards to millions of illegal immigrants. And all troops will be pulled out of Iraq, of course. That is tough and smart, indeed.

Or strong and smart, as Nancy Pelosi puts it:

“… one that is strong and smart, which understands the challenges America faces in a post 9/11 world, and one that demonstrates that Democrats are the party of real national security.”

Obviously our beloved Dummycrats haven’t quite made up their minds yet, but the new agenda is definitely smart and either strong or tough or both. So keep an ear out for those words because I’m sure they will pop up everywhere.

But I’m starting to feel more secure now, knowing that Reid, Pelosi and others will make sure of it. They also vowed to eliminate bin Laden by using special forces and adding more spies. That’s the part that confuses me. Considering all the protest marches in the past few days, pretty much everybody has the right to live in the United States, legally or not, right? And if everybody has the right to live in the United States, pretty much everybody on this planet could potentially be the backbone of America. Sending out more spies to catch bin Laden, at least in theory would be a case of domestic spying to all the people on this planet. Now that’s illegal, isn’t it? In theory this theory should hold up. Although I don’t have the slightest clue what I just wrote.

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The cockroach slipper


Author: Michael Meyn - March 14th, 2006

If you live in the US you have to face a certain reality: Cockroaches live here, too. They are everywhere. No matter how often you have the exterminator spray poisonous chemicals throughout the whole house, it’s impossible to get rid of the annoying roaches. They come, they stay, they drive my Little Rib insane.

As far as I’m concerned, I have almost gotten used to them. I lived in New York for a while and the bug problem was much worse there. The cockroaches even crawled around in my bed. I had a hard time dealing with that and I used to sleep at the kitchen table, always leaving the lights on because I noticed that roaches like to spread out under the cover of darkness.

Compared to New York the problem isn’t as bad here in Vegas. Actually we only have two critical areas in our apartment: the kitchen and the bathroom. While the kitchen makes sense to me I have no idea why any kind of bug would want to spend time in the bathroom. I ask myself that question every time I hear a crunching sound from under my feet.

An ordinary Las Vegan cockroach comes in sizes between one inch and eight feet. When sighting one of the bigger specimen you get intimidated, of course, but then you grab the slipper. The cockroach slipper! It’s a powerful weapon and my Little Rib has transformed into a competent killer-machine. She has developed an extremely sensitive eye for any kind of enemy movement. Easily she can hunt down 50 roaches in an hour and every execution is followed by a disgusted “Ewwwww!” She hates cockroaches. Yes, she hates them so much that she mobilizes all her strength, and should you accidentally walk right into the line of smashing you can expect serious injuries.

The roach problem has been getting out of hand lately. It seems as if they are trying to expand into new regions, for example into my coffee cup, on our dinner plates or on my left hand while I’m writing this. All areas where the cockroach-slipper would cause more damage than results. That’s why my Little Rib lost her patience last week. Highly enraged she stormed into the leasing office to let the manager know that we would move out, should management not be able to get rid of the roaches.

“You’re not going anywhere!” prophesized the manager, and she pressed a secret button under her desk. Seconds later a tall and frightening looking man appeared and positioned himself directly in front of my Little Rib. She was just about to smash him with the cockroach slipper when the manager announced in a conspiratorial voice:

“May I introduce you to Rocky…our George W. of pest control! He will take care of all your problems.”

Immediately my Little Rib curtsied politely and then dropped on her knees in awe.

“Thank you, mighty Rocky! Thank you so much!”

Rocky came over to our apartment the same evening to check on the severity of the situation. He inspected every single room, including a small closet that I had never noticed before, making notes on a little pad. For a short while he completely vanished which was a pretty impressive phenomenon, considering the small size of our apartment.

After the inspection, Rocky let us know that we weren’t dealing with ordinary roaches. According to him we had fallen victim to the so-called German Roaches, stubborn creatures, which were given that name because once they’ve invaded a place …

Rocky was certain to successfully parry the German invasion.

“Give me one week and the bugs will be gone.”

In strategically important zones he set up poisoned peanut-butter traps. He also sprayed a top secret mixture of deadly bug poisons all over the place. “I’ll see you in one week”, he informed us when he left.

That was last Wednesday. One day later I climbed out of bed with a terrible headache. In addition to that I felt really dizzy, I had rashes all over my body and a slight loss of teeth. My Little Rib must have had similar problems; I found her laying on the ground in front of the bathroom, clinging tightly to the cockroach slipper.

“Be honest, Schnuckie,” I asked her when she came to. “You tried the peanut butter, didn’t you?”

“Nonsense!” she hissed at me with bleeding gums. “It’s that damn stuff that was sprayed here.”

She was right. Rocky hadn’t looked like an Iraqi, otherwise I would have known where all the weapons of mass destruction had gone. I opened all windows in the apartment, hoping the fresh air would do us good.

“Your eyes are swollen!”

“Don’t worry, Schnuckie. I see all blurry anyway.”

I fell back into my bed, totally exhausted. The last thing I heard was the loud slam of the cockroach-slipper and a disgusted “Ewwwww!”

The week is almost over. I can’t wait to tell that Rocky what a total loser he is! The German invasion is still on-going. We are contemplating getting some kind of fire-insurance and burn the whole place down.

At least our physical problems have diminished. Except for my eyes; they are still swollen.

cockroach-slipper

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Happy Ending?


Author: Michael Meyn - March 11th, 2006

America is sighing in relief. The port deal has been stopped. That was a close call! Dummycrats and many Republicans agreed that a crazy deal like this could potentially harm the country. And the media was outraged, too. Well, to be accurate, when the story first broke, most ‘news reporters’ were still very busy ‘investigating’ Cheney’s hunting accident. National security wasn’t on their to-do list at that time.

Here is the perfect example of media ignorance. ABC Radio News reporter Ann Compton was talking to WABC Radio’s John Gambling:

GAMBLING: Ann, let me ask you a question. Is anybody talking about this story . . . about the Dubai Ports World Corporation running our major ports in the United States? You know anything about that?

COMPTON: Whooops. [Nervous laughter]

GAMBLING: The reason I ask you is exactly what you just finished talking about - sucking the oxygen out of the White House and Washington press corps . . . . This is like letting Saudi Arabia do security in our airports. And I think that Washington reporters need to jump on this thing.

COMPTON: Well, send me a quick email, John. It sounds like something I need to see.

In God and reporters we trust, don’t we?

Today it doesn’t matter anymore. The story is over. But I would like to take the time to share a whole bunch of quotes with our readers. These quotes are from Rush Limbaugh who has done a tremendous job over the last few weeks in analyzing the port deal as well as the reactions of the media, the Dummycrats and the Republicans. Not only was he one of the very few, if not the only one, who refused to be influenced by the mass-hysteria, but he actually managed to stay focused on facts. Enjoy the quotes, they are definitely worth reading!

“The Democrats are really puzzling me on this port issue, because all of a sudden they’re acting like we have an enemy! All of a sudden we need to be worried about these Arabs; we can’t trust any Arabs.”

“This is the first time in four years that I can recall a Democrat seriously being concerned about this group of people. This is racism. They are concluding that all Arabs are terrorists, and they all seek our utter, total destruction.”

“Democrats have concluded that terrorists hate us because of Bush. Bush is a terrorist, Bush is a torturer. And now all of a sudden here comes the UAE port deal, and bam! the Democrats are on board with the whole idea that these people are our enemies and represent a security threat.”

“If the Democrats were being consistent with everything they have said about the war in Iraq and the War on Terror— Abu Ghraib, Club Gitmo, all the torture, the secret prisons—then they ought to be cheerleading this port deal.”

“Do you think George W. Bush is stupid? Do you think George W. Bush really looked at this deal and would really turn over six container ports, essentially, to terrorist leaders?”

“Call somebody in the Navy and ask, ‘What is the friendliest port that the Navy goes in to load up on supplies in the Middle East? Where do they go?’ You know what the name they’ll tell you? Dubai.”

“I think we can probably trust the UAE more than we can trust the DNC.”

“Hillary Clinton and Chucky Schumer are simply trying to get themselves established as caring about the port deal because they know they’ve done a lousy job of making the American people think they have any interest in our national security.”

“Osama bin Laden didn’t have to buy the World Trade Center to blow it up. Why would anybody throw away $8 billion for the purposes of blowing something up when they don’t have to?”

“This port story has been out there longer than the Cheney story. Do you feel manipulated by the mainstream press?”

“The same people that tell us we cannot profile Sahib as he strides through an airport, are the same people telling us we can’t allow the United Arab Emirates to have any relationship to port operations because of where they’re from.”

“The most appropriate question I could ask you liberals is: ‘When did you start caring about national security?’”

“I haven’t yet heard anybody who’s against this deal make me feel comfortable joining them. I’m hearing a bunch of panic, hysteria, jingoism, racism, profiling and fear — and I try to do as little as possible in my life out of fear.”

“I think the immediate reaction to this is understandable. That’s why I even said the first day we discussed it. Economically, it’s great deal. Politically, I don’t think it has a chance.”

“There are no American companies that do this. That’s not saying we don’t own the ports, but there aren’t any companies that do this. The largest is in Hong Kong. The second largest is Dutch. These guys are going to be the third with this acquisition. Whether they pay taxes in Dubai is irrelevant. They’re going to be paying US taxes here doing business in the United States of America.”

“Everybody got caught up with the mental image of Abdul and Sahib driving forklifts and running crane operations in these ports and said, ‘Oh, my gosh! How did this happen?’”

“Of all of the enemies in the Middle East, the grand Democratic Party, led by Dingy Harry and Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi, has concluded that the biggest threat, besides George Bush, is represented by the United Arab Emirates. Sorry, folks. You just have to laugh.”

“What I can’t believe is that one day after this four-year track record, George W. Bush could lose his sanity, could lose his resolve, could change his mind, and willingly participate in a deal that would undo practically every step he’s taken to guarantee as best he can our security.”

“The UAE donated $100 million to Katrina relief. Well, I’d give it back! It’s obviously tainted. You know how powerful ‘those people’ are. Who knows how it’s contaminated!”

“The Democrats’ opposition to this port deal is not principled. Their opposition is purely political, and it’s the latest opportunity that they think they have to take Bush out, which is their primary interest.”

“Representative Peter King said that the reason I am supporting this port deal is because I’m ‘in the tank’ for the White House. So, getting information, learning the details, not rushing to judgment– that’s called being ‘in the tank.’”

“While the Democrats refuse to see an enemy in the War on Terror or in Iraq, the UAE has become the enemy. Politically, that’s one foot over the cliff again– which seems to be the constant position the Democrats put themselves in.”

“The word ’secret’ has been attached to this port deal. Why didn’t it raise the red flags back in October that it’s raising today? Why didn’t it raise the red flags a month ago that it is raising today?”

“Here’s what the mainstream media are: drive-by shooters. They pull up to a congested area, spray a hail of bullets into a crowd and cause mass hysteria, confusion, mistakes, and misinterpretation.”

“That terrorists are buying the ports and are going to be running security…the Democrats are never going to come off that mantra. But we don’t need a bunch of ignorant, lame-brain Republicans jumping on the other side of the fence to join them.”

“There was a conventional-wisdom tsunami last week that swept everybody but me away; just reacting on a gut emotional level to whatever fears they had, and most of the people doing that were elected officials. It was an embarrassing sight to see. ”

“The Democrats don’t want this port deal. They’re going to stand in the way of it at all costs because it’s the only thing since 9/11 that they think has put them on the right side of the national security issue.”

“At the risk of being accused of high treason, I, your host, America’s Anchorman, have the courage to open a dictionary and reveal a deep, dark secret: a port is not a terminal, and a terminal is not a port.”

“There is no foreign country controlling our ports! We’re talking about terminal ownership here! Repeat after me, class: ‘A port is not a terminal.’”

“If our ports are vulnerable and anybody can infiltrate them, why have you liberals opposed the very programs the Administration puts into place to protect these facilities, hmm? Can any liberal call and give me the answer to this?”

“The Republicans joining this tsunami last week on the port deal before they knew what it was even about… I think it’s symptomatic of the fact that they are scared and have their pollsters out there telling them how many seats they’re going to lose in the House. It’s a horrible way to think.”

“What is it that Hillary and the Democrats say about George W. Bush? ‘How could he not have known about the ports deal until it happened?’ Well, how in the world could Hillary not know that her husband was paid hundreds of thousands– if not millions– as a consultant to Dubai?”

“The Democrats are profilers. The minute this port deal was announced, their initial reaction in Congress and every state in this country was uninformed and purely reactionary: ‘They’re Arabs.’”

“Can you imagine if it was Wal-Mart controlling the ports? It will never happen, I know, but it’s just one of those things that I’m excited about.”

“The American people don’t think that George Bush is the primary threat to national security like the media and the Democrats are trying to establish. Maybe you opinion-makers– you guys in your little clique– are unable to move public opinion as you would like to.”

“Everybody in the world was on the take in the Oil-for-Food program. Can we still trade with France and Germany?”

“Bill and Hillary Clinton are engaging in a giant scam where she gets to pretend to be innocent and uninformed and he gets to occupy both sides of the port issue.”

“George Bush has not been driving the ports deal; he doesn’t even know about it. It’s Bill Clinton who’s been lobbying for this deal.”

“‘Why doesn’t an American company buy the port terminals? Why can’t American banks invest in the airlines?’ You are looking at one of the results of our government borrowing money to pay its bills.”

“These ingrates. They just had the Patriot Act signing ceremony at the White House and here’s Peter King — congressman, Long Island who killed the Dubai ports deal — sidling up, maneuvering, doing his best to stand right behind President Bush with his hands on his shoulders while he’s signing the Patriot Act extension.”

“The substance of the port issue is not being dealt with. Emotionalism and fear is what’s driving this opposition. Not fear of terrorism; fear of the elections coming up in November.”

“We’ve got an opportunity here, folks. Everybody wants an American company to run these ports. Get Halliburton in there today and ram it right down Chuck Schumer’s throat.”

“All this port opposition was about was who could be the first to say, ‘I killed the port deal! I did it! I did it! Look at me! Notice me! I killed the port deal!’”

“Your job as you represent New Yorkers is to ’see that they’re secure?’ Well, welcome to the party, Chuck Schumer, because for the few years I haven’t had the impression that you Democrats care a whit about that!”

“If I were Dubai, I’d sue Clinton for malpractice. He told them to propose the 45-day wait. Now the 45-day wait has been used by the Republicans and Clinton’s own party to sabotage the deal.”

“Chuck Schumer is an outright fraud. And the people on our side that were associating with him embarrassed me.”

“The reaction that we saw in Congress yesterday– and the hysteria that was generated by so many Americans against this ports deal without any knowledge at all of what it was– was not one of our finest moments.”

“If you’re feeling proud about this ports ordeal, thinking that America finally stood up for itself, you’re making a grave error. This is nothing to be proud of: it’s something to be ashamed of.”

“The ports deal story was a great opportunity for learning and education. You people in this audience are more informed, I’d say, than 80% of the members in Congress that voted on it.”

“I’ve had fun with this ports deal story and learning all about it. It’s one of my proudest moments as host of this show; one of my shining career moments. You don’t know how I feel.”

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Clashing Mindsets


Author: Michael Meyn - March 6th, 2006

When I went to Germany to snatch my Little Rib away from “evil socialism”, she was excited at first. America! Land of opportunities! Land of Ben Affleck! Land of shopping 24/7!

Her enthusiasm soon gave way to the bitter realization that most people actually speak English and rarely understand German.

“This stinks!” she told me, in German, of course.

“I know. I feel the same way, but give it some time and your English will improve.”

“And have you noticed how Americans pronounce Volkswagen? They don’t even try to get it right!”

“Yes, it’s horrible.”

“Does the rest of America know that it gets this hot here in Las Vegas? And what is the government going to do about it?”

“Nothing, Schnuckie. You just have to learn to live with it.”

“They could at least pay the power bill, considering we have to run the A/C all day and all night. This is outrageous!”

“I don’t think Bush is concerned about that right now.”

Speaking of Bush. When I first met my Little Rib she was as anti-Bush as one could ever be. It didn’t really surprise me, because it was one of those realities that I had to face every time I traveled to Germany. It’s almost impossible to find a person who doesn’t have anything bad to say about the President of the United States. Well, you learn to live with it, and most important: You learn to keep your mouth shut if you don’t want to get into an argument. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never had a problem standing up for my new home, but it wears on you having to go through the same discussions over and over again. In addition to that oftentimes there wasn’t really any interest in honest discussions. To me it seemed as if people were just trying to vent their anger.

Thank God my Little Rib has always been more open-minded than most Germans! Misguided by the German media she would throw her best talking points at me.

“Saddam didn’t have nuclear weapons!”

“Bush never said he did.”

“That’s not what the media said.”

“Exactly!”

“Saddam was not involved in 9/11!”

“Bush never claimed he was.”

“That’s not what the media said.”

“Exactly!”

“Bush is only after oil!”

“Says who?”

“The media.”

“Exactly!”

“So you’re telling me the media tries to provide me with false information?”

“Pretty much.”

“Why?”

Isn’t that an excellent question? For years I’ve been trying to figure that one out. Just take the last presidential election, for example. Mr. John F. Kerry was portrayed as the better choice for America and the rest of the world. The German media never failed to quote him when he bashed Bush. But they kept silent when Kerry switched to different positions on almost every single issue.

In the German news-show “Tagesschau” an old toothless Iraqi was interviewed by a reporter and he complained that his country had been invaded by Americans who suppressed the Iraqi people and took away their possessions. I don’t doubt for a second that this poor man really believed that, but up to this day I’m still waiting for some pictures of American soldiers being greeted by happy and grateful people in Iraq. And I know for a fact that those are the majority!

I think it all boils down to this: The current Administration in the White House reflects the mindset of the greater part of the American people, which is basically conservative. That explains why FOX NEWS and talk radio are so popular because they have become a refuge for those who despise the liberal agenda. Some shows on FOX NEWS have higher ratings than all other news-channels combined. Not to mention Rush Limbaugh, who has been the number one on radio for almost two decades now. You can argue whether the complete truth can be found there, but it doesn’t change the fact that conservative news broadcasts are the suppliers for conservative people.

The German mindset is the exact opposite. Most people don’t want to hear about morals, God, family values or good and evil. To them it’s all relative. Tolerance and fairness are their highest commandments. (But they refuse to tolerate the simple truth that life is never fair and it can’t be made fair by anyone, especially the government.) The German media is aware of that and they report accordingly. Therefore it shouldn’t surprise anybody to read and watch news stories which focus on the evil doings of Bush and his Administration. It’s demanded.

I used to believe that the mainstream press dictates public opinion. Maybe that was true in the past. We live in an era where we are just one push of the button away from the news we want to watch on TV and one mouse-click away from the news we want to read. We are not dependent on Tagesschau, Dan Rather, Rush Limbaugh or Alan Colmes anymore. The sources are literally unlimited. And every single source is determined to reach as many people as possible. It’s a business. It’s not about the news anymore, it’s about money. A newspaper that reports the truth in an objective way will not survive if nobody buys it. Consequently every newspaper that wants to stay afloat has to cater to their readers.

So when my Little Rib asked me why the media provided her with false information, my answer should have been: Because you asked for it.

Which brings me back to the contradicting mindsets of Americans and Germans. It will always be a problem for the relations between the two countries. In the absence of war it would be much more subtle, but while the worldwide War Against Terrorism is being fought the differences are very obvious. I honestly don’t know if this will ever change. But it certainly can’t hurt to stay optimistic.

P.S. My Little Rib is a big supporter of Bush now. Every time she watches him on TV she jumps up and cheers him loudly. And we both agree that the First Lady is truly a lady!

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