Thanksgiving at Mike’s
It has become a tradition for my Little Rib and I to spend Thanksgiving Day at Mike’s house. Our friend is a superb cook. Actually his cooking is so good, his mom drives all the way from La Jolla, CA, to Las Vegas to join the banquet. Even his brother Lucky tags along every now and then. This year, however, Mike decided to visit his mom in California. It’s rather strange as well as sad, since we simply love to be at his house on Turkey Day.
Last year’s Thanksgiving was exceptionally amazing:
After spending almost two hours in the bathroom my Little Rib stood in front of me, spinning around.
“Can I go like this?”
“Sure. But you won’t get very far.”
“I’m talking about my appearance, you idiot!”
“You look great, Schnuckie.”
“Thanks. You’re not going to wear that old rag, are you?”
“That’s my favorite sweater. Has been for many years!”
“Alright, do what you want. Let’s go. I’m so hungry, my stomach hurts.”
On our way to Mike’s house my Little Rib became anxious. “Do you think they’ve already started without us?”
“Naw, very unlikely. That’s why we are going an hour early this year. I’m not gonna let them eat all the turkey breast again!”
“Exactly! And the gravy was gone, too. Those mashed potatoes were dry as desert sand.”
“Well, they were hungry and they couldn’t wait any longer. You learn from your mistakes.”
We reached our destination.
“No need to ring the doorbell. Just go inside. Friends never ring the doorbell in America. You learn that from watching sitcoms.”
“It’s locked.”
“Ok, I guess you have to ring after all.”
“It seems the doorbell doesn’t work. I can’t hear anything.”
“Happy Thanksgiving!” the two of us shouted in perfect harmony after we had climbed through the bedroom window and stormed into the dining room. There they were: Mama Keiko, the lovely and petite Japanese Lady and her two sons, Mike and Lucky. Mike looked startled and he immediately hid behind his napkin. Lucky, armed with a long knife, was leaning over a huge turkey and froze. He reminded me of a little kid who got caught with its hand in the cookie jar. Keiko yelled something in Japanese, which I couldn’t understand, of course, but I think I’ve heard something similar in a movie once about World War II from a kamikaze pilot right before impact. Our friends can be so funny; acting surprised as if they hadn’t expected us.
“Please, don’t get up, my friends,” I said. We greeted everybody at the table, tapped Lucky on his tense back and gave Keiko a big smooch on the cheeks. A little embarrassed we explained to our host that we did prepare a special dessert but had failed to resist it around breakfast time. Then my Little Rib went to get us plates and forks and knives while I was on the hunt for some wine glasses. Sufficiently equipped we sat down at the table. Mike passed me the stuffing a little too courteously. I hate stuffing. Just the thought of what might be in it makes me woozy. And Mike knows that.
“No thanks.” I was already staring at the fat bird. Slowly Lucky came back to life. He continued his surgical incision with the long knife right around the white meat.
“YES! Turkey tits!” I yelled out loud. “On my plate, please!” I only like the breast. You can throw the rest away, as far as I’m concerned.
Having learned from her mistakes, my Little Rib secured the gravy. In a rush of self-confidence she ordered one of the two drumsticks, loaded her plate with mashed potatoes, demanded the green bean casserole, reached for everything that was on the table and used Mike’s napkin to wipe the sweat off her forehead.
“Why is everybody silent?” she asked quietly after her third seconds.
“You don’t have to whisper. Nobody understands German here.”
“That’s true. We have the advantage.” She giggled. “But seriously, none of them is saying a word.”
“Because it’s so delicious. It makes you speechless and all you want to do is feast. Pour some gravy over my breast, please, would you?”
“Keiko looks so sad.”
“You think?”
“Yea, something is bothering her.”
“That’s because she heard you say her name and she doesn’t know what you are saying about her.”
“Oops, I didn’t even notice. Thanks for paying attention.” She tilted her head in Keiko’s direction. “Do you think that woman over there is in a bad mood?”
“Of course not.”
“Are you sure?”
“Keiko is never in a bad mood.”
“Now you said ‘Keiko’.”
“Fuck!”
“I’ll bet you she’s in a bad mood.”
“Her?” I pointed across the table where someone was nibbling on a piece of bread in silence. “Never! Nobody is more relaxed and untroubled than Keiko. You can ask Mike. Or Lucky!”
“Alright, if you say so …”
Lucky was fumbling on the bizarre looking skeleton of the turkey. For the first time that evening he opened his mouth: “Well, I guess the only thing left to do is …”
“THE WISHBONE!” My Little Rib squealed in excitement and yanked the greasy bone away from the man of a potentially aggravated mother.
“On three, Schatz! One, two, THREE!” We pulled. She won.
“You’re on a roll, Schnuckie! That’s three years in a row now.”
She nodded proudly, closed her eyes and made a wish.
I craved a cigarette and stepped out on the patio for a moment. A cigarette tastes best after a great meal. Meanwhile my Little Rib laid down on the couch in the living room. Soon she started to snore. After my break I let myself fall into a comfy armchair, put my feet on the coffee table and dozed off almost instantly and peacefully. What a great evening!
I’m sure our readers can now understand why we are so disappointed that Mike doesn’t want to spoil us with his cooking this year. Why certainly, we respect his wish to break with tradition and spend the holiday with his mom in California. He deserves to be spoiled every once in a while. Keiko is an excellent cook, too, I have been told. That’s why we have to hurry. It’s a five hour drive to La Jolla.
We had a real international culinary crisis at our Thanksgiving dinner: Egyptian green beans on the plate next to Israeli sweet potatoes! We were compelled to put up a wall of German mashed potatoes to keep them separated. We called it the ThanXFOR mission.
And our Muslim guest had to pass on the two main features: they don’t do self-basting butterball turkeys here in Europe, so I use strips of bacon to keep the breasts from drying out.
And the mini-marshmallows used to top the sweet potato casserole also contain pig gelatine, so I wound up making a separate batch without the melted marshmallows.
Comment by ralphieboy - November 26, 2006 @ 12:08 pm
Sounds complicated!
Comment by Michael Meyn - November 26, 2006 @ 6:30 pm
We don’t have a connection to the American army PX to get our hands on one of those self-basting butterball turkeys any more, so I have taken to using the flesh of unclean animals instead.
Comment by ralphieboy - November 29, 2006 @ 5:47 am
Mike,
I am really afraid that this site is about to assume a state of rigor mortis.
Quite a shame, as I enjoy your columns. So let me make you an informal proposal: find youself another outlet for your columns in English and I will offer you my services as a native-speaking editor.
Entirely on a friendly bases, should your colums some day become nationally syndicated, then we can talk turkey, so to speak.
(I promise I won’t attempt to sneak any subliminal liberal-agenda messages into them)
Comment by ralphieboy - December 3, 2006 @ 2:54 am
How about blonde jokes?
Q: How does a blonde blow her brains out?
A: With an air pistol!!!
Comment by ralphieboy - December 7, 2006 @ 9:28 am
Two blonde cannibals had killed and were eating a clown. One of them turns to the other and says, “do you taste something funny?”
Comment by preiss is nice - December 11, 2006 @ 11:30 am
Okay, ya’ll talked me into one more:
A university proffessor was giving a rather boring lecture on involuntary muscular contractions. He thought he would liven up the mood in the room, so he asks a pretty blonde lady in the first row, “do you know what your asshole is doing when you’re having an orgasm?”
“He’s probably out deer hunting with his buddies”
Comment by preiss is nice - December 14, 2006 @ 10:37 am
A brunette announces that she is pregnant, and knows that the child will be a girl, as she was sying on the bottom, the passive position. A redheadhead announces that she is also pregnant and will have a boy, as she was on top, the active position.
The blonde starts to cry: “On my god, I’m going to have a puppy!”
Comment by ralphieboy - December 22, 2006 @ 4:43 am
Merry Christmas, Mike, Merry Christmass Preiss. Ever think about what it was like at Christmas in Stalingrad, 1942?
Comment by ralphieboy - December 24, 2006 @ 2:55 am
A late Gutes Weinacht to all, the Russian front was a tough one RB, in fact the movie ‘Cross of Iron’ with James Coburn was on last night. I didnt have any relatives at Stalingrad but read a lot about it.
Comment by preiss is nice - December 27, 2006 @ 6:47 am
We just sat around and got Bastogned…
Comment by ralphieboy - December 27, 2006 @ 8:15 am
Was that after you got blitzed?
Comment by preiss is nice - December 27, 2006 @ 10:23 am
Yeah, our friend Harris just kept rollin’ those bombers for us.
Comment by ralphieboy - December 27, 2006 @ 11:03 am
Good to see there’s still signs of life at missinggermans.
Comment by preiss is nice - December 27, 2006 @ 1:43 pm
yeah, you an’ me, the life of the party, eh?
Comment by ralphieboy - December 27, 2006 @ 11:36 pm
Well, in that case, keep those bombers fired up while I make some rum drinks.
Comment by preiss is nice - December 28, 2006 @ 10:13 am
Crank up the Nugent and BTO, let’s boogie! Too bad there ain’t any babes at this party…
Comment by ralphieboy - December 29, 2006 @ 12:18 am
I quess Claudia is among the missing. Nugents good. Why not mix it up a little? a Bob Marley song, then Paul Van Dyk followed by some old school like ‘Shes a brick house’ or some James Brown (RIP).
Comment by preiss is nice - December 29, 2006 @ 7:10 am
Sorry, but where I came from, party music was “Classic Rock” exclusively. REO Speedwagon, Boston, Kiss, Steve Miller Band, etc. Anything else got ripped off the turntable and smashed within seconds.
Comment by ralphieboy - December 30, 2006 @ 10:36 am
Sounds like a construction crew I once worked on, the boss didnt even want to hear girl bands on the radio.
Hope all had a Happy New Year.
Comment by preiss is nice - January 2, 2007 @ 7:28 am
I worked on a construction site one summer where the ongoing debate was whether to tune in the country or the rock station. At one point I suggested they could tune in NPR or classical, at which point both sides responded with a unanimous “NO WAY!!!”
Comment by ralphieboy - January 2, 2007 @ 8:36 am
Helloooo, anybody home?
Comment by preiss is nice - January 12, 2007 @ 7:13 am
Stop shouting, I’m trying to hibernate here in this cozy, dark hole! Hard enough to do when this crazy weather keeps stimulating my spring hormones.
Comment by ralphieboy - January 13, 2007 @ 1:04 am
Why did the Iraqi bring a bottle of Head and Shoulders shampoo to his brother’s hanging?
He thought it was a brand of glue!
Comment by ralphieboy - January 18, 2007 @ 1:06 am
Maybe someone can call Little Rib and have her wake Michael up. 2 months is long enough for a nap.
That was kinda funny RB
Comment by preiss is nice - January 19, 2007 @ 8:04 am
pin,
I’ve dropped a few hints at www.gegenstimme.net, the German version of MuG, but no response, they’re going like gangbusters over there: new contributors and new topics almost daily. And Mike calls himself an American…
Comment by ralphieboy - January 20, 2007 @ 5:05 am
Gegenstimme looks interesting, aber mein Deutsch ist nicht gut. Maybe reading it will improve it.
Comment by preiss is nice - January 22, 2007 @ 7:53 am
pin,
I comment at Gegenstimme to practice my written German. I speak it with ease, but when I come to formulate a complicated argument, it takes me a lot of effort. But at least there is always something to argue about there.
So how ’bout them Bears?
Comment by ralphieboy - January 22, 2007 @ 9:56 am
Sorry, dont follow sports. Junior is into Basketball though and since the Mav’s are the local hero’s, Dirk Nowitski is king. The only sports I took part in was swim team, Scuba, hunting, fishing.
Comment by preiss is nice - January 22, 2007 @ 10:20 am
I stopped following pro sports about 1969. But the NFL playoffs were on German TV, although I did not stay up until midnite to watch them. Bush’s state of the union address will be on live at 2:30 this morning, wonder if I should just stay up late or set my alarm extra early…
Comment by ralphieboy - January 23, 2007 @ 12:48 am
Churchill was a great American despite being half-English on his father’s side. He was voted out of office after World War Two by the same ungratefull country that once refused an army commision to a certain young George Washington.
Comment by Del Hoeft - February 8, 2007 @ 3:32 pm
#31 And Churchill was also part Cherokee Indian from his Grandmother.
See Michael, there is still life here, we miss you.
Comment by preiss is nice - February 9, 2007 @ 8:59 am
Maybe we should we start some kinda Axis of Evil-type organization or something to get Mike’s attention…
Comment by ralphieboy - February 10, 2007 @ 11:47 pm
Maybe a threat like: Herr Meyn! If you do not resume blogging then hillary will be elected and your taxes and blood pressure will rise.
Comment by preiss is nice - February 12, 2007 @ 12:24 pm
Sometimes ya just gotta poke it with a stick and see if it moves.
Comment by Del Hoeft - February 13, 2007 @ 7:52 am
..or that if he does not get back on the stick, we will all convert to radical Islam and put a big fat Fatwa out on him and his little Rib, who, I assume, goes about unveiled.
Comment by ralphieboy - February 14, 2007 @ 2:00 pm
I don’t mind Talking-Turkey, but we only have four shopping days left before Presidents Day. Ye Gods, Valentines day has come and gone with nary a word from Mr. Meyn. And to think the Germans practicaly invented romance. I fear he has sunk into the hellish world of Jaegermeister and Bingo.
After Thanksgiving what is the proper waiting period before cooking turkey again?
Comment by Del Hoeft - February 14, 2007 @ 10:43 pm
Schnitzle Ackbar!
Comment by preiss is nice - February 15, 2007 @ 10:21 am
And over on the German site, they’re going on and on as if the Arabs were at the gates of Vienna and the German Parliament was about to introduce the Shariah.
Comment by ralphieboy - February 15, 2007 @ 9:59 pm
RB, so far Germany has been spared the immigrant troubles that has hit the banlieus of france, or Malmo, Sweden for example. Not to mention they did not experience bombings like London and Madrid either. Though there was that one foiled plot several months back.
Comment by preiss is nice - February 16, 2007 @ 10:17 am
The last train blown up in Eurabia got a Socialist elected. Any future Ottomanesque Califate in Europe will be disapointed by the lack of children for the Devserme, as Europe’s Darwinists have lost the “Survival Advantage”. Procreation like American football is a “game of inches”. It apears all too many Europeans are missing the sweetspot by ohhh…an inch and a half.
Anyhow, if Swedish Social fascist feminists end up in Al Qaeda’s harems guarded by Nordic Socialist eunuchs there would be certain poetic-justice, an irony, a pox on both houses and a good-riddance to boot.
So old Europa has nothing to lose save that which it has willingly forfit, it’s freedom it’s future and it’s balls.
Comment by Del Hoeft - February 17, 2007 @ 8:10 am
LOL
Mike, you look like a bum. When was the last time you took a bath?
Comment by Claude - February 22, 2007 @ 4:38 am
check out the photo on www.gegenstimme.net, he looks like he just crawled out of a dumpster…
Comment by ralphieboy - February 24, 2007 @ 11:58 pm
Michael, maybe you could post here about the Krafsiks visit, Bitteschon? When I read gegenstimme I only understand about half. The translator software gets about 80% of it right, but its a pain.
Comment by preiss is nice - March 8, 2007 @ 11:23 am
Ok, I’ll work on a translation as soon as possible.
Comment by Michael Meyn - March 8, 2007 @ 5:47 pm
Lemme give you a capsulesummary:
Jürgen came, he threw Mike out of his own bed, ate his food and then went and fell off a cliff. Authorities are still following up on the “forcible suicide” theory, others the “justifiable homicide” angle.
Comment by ralphieboy - March 8, 2007 @ 10:47 pm
L’information interessante que vous avez! I’am allant revenir bientot.
Comment by sex - June 10, 2007 @ 3:16 pm
i’am really impressed!!
Comment by sesso - June 20, 2007 @ 7:41 am