Tomb Rib
Who does not know Tomb Raider Lara Croft, the most seductive treasure hunter of all times? I blame her for spending countless nights in front of my computer, just so I could guide her through trap invested dungeons. If it hadn’t been for her well rounded behind I wouldn’t have had that much patience with her, because Indiana Jones is actually my true hero!
My Little Rib isn’t inferior to Lara Croft in any way at all. She, too, is always searching for something, rarely for precious treasures but rather for personal things of hers. She is capable of placing an item somewhere and let it disappear within seconds. In reality the item never vanishes, instead she forgets where she put it, which, in my opinion, is even more spectacular than an act by Siegfried and Roy. Can you imagine: Roy presenting a beautiful white tiger to the audience and the next thing you know the stage is gone.
Also very spectacular is the way she tracks down her lost belongings. The other morning she woke me up:
“Have you seen my glasses?”
“Oh geez, not again!”
“Get up and help me find them!”
I dozed off while my Little Rib rummaged around the entire apartment. Later I felt bad because without her glasses she can’t see very well. So I slept for one more hour before I went into the living room to offer her my help. Surprised I watched her crawling underneath the carpet.
“I don’t believe this! I had them earlier.”
Next she went over to the neighbor and accused him of theft. Supposedly he took her glasses when she had returned from the store, since she had to put them down for a moment to find the keyhole. Now, if our neighbor had been of German descent he would have pointed at his forehead with his index finger. This very unfriendly gesture means: “You are insane!” He didn’t know, of course, so he simply told her and shut the door. “Thief!” she yelled enraged and half blind in his direction. When I saw her taking one step back and lifting her right leg I rushed over and pulled her into our apartment. Otherwise she would have kicked in the poor guy’s door.
Immediately she continued the search. Acting on a premonition she pulled the dishwasher off the wall and found a secret hatch in the floor. She opened the hatch, looked down and assessed the situation. Then she ripped off the left sleeve of her blouse, wrapped it around a wooden spoon, poured my expensive aftershave over it and set the impressive torch on fire. The flames seared her bangs but it didn’t seem to bother her too much.
“You know, we do have a flashlight, Schnuckie.”
“I know. I’ve been looking for it for two years,” she replied snippily and descended down the hatch. “I’ll be right back.”
Two days later she returned with some ancient scrolls and the remains of missing Amelia Earhart.
“I can’t find those frickin’ glasses!”
“Did you check the bathroom?”
“What a stupid question! The only place I haven’t checked yet is Australia.”
“Well, then we know where your glasses are. Australia.”
“Out of my way, smart-ass! I have to start over.”
Twice she combed through the apartment and she even knocked on the neighbor’s door one more time. After frisking me thoroughly she opened the hatch again. “I’ll be right back,” she said and vanished through the dark hole.
All this happened over a week ago. I hope my Little Rib will come home soon. Then I will surprise her. I found her glasses on the coffee table.
My deart wife used to stumble about the apartment every morning withou her glasses. I advised her that it might help to put them on, but she insisted that they did not help.
Turns out that she had such low blood pressure that her eye muscles were not getting enough oxygen to function & focus properly. And she did sometimes look like a coma patient when I woke her up.
Comment by ralphieboy - October 3, 2006 @ 11:07 pm
Just two words, ‘Laser Surgery’.
Comment by preiss is nice - October 4, 2006 @ 12:31 pm
and Rush spoke, saying…
“…Morality is a personal choice! It’s not your job or God’s or the Bible’s or Allah’s or anybody else’s to tell someone what’s right and wrong! ”
…and if you’re molesting congressional pages, it’s not the House Speaker’s job to tell you if it’s right or wrong!
Comment by ralphieboy - October 7, 2006 @ 11:32 pm
Don’t forget Dick Cneny’s smug boast that “we don’t have any interns with stains on their lapels in our White House”. Obviously they were into much fresher meat…
Are there no conservatives out there to respond to my Foley taunts? I would bare my bottom at you, but that might get you too excited!!!
Comment by ralphieboy - October 10, 2006 @ 10:38 pm
#4
Dont make me get out my Gerry Studds.
Comment by preiss is nice - October 11, 2006 @ 7:59 am
Gerry was a Studd, but Foley is about to become a coffin nail. There are few issues that hit Americans more at a gut level than people getting robbed of their savings and pensions, and preverts in positions of power threatening their children.
And it is unfortunate for the GOP that the Foley story has enough legs on it to keep it running all month.
Still, Foley’s political career is not washed up: we could name him ambassador to Thailand…
Comment by ralphieboy - October 11, 2006 @ 9:47 pm
If Foley was a democrat this would be a non-story. It turns out the page he text messaged was 18, hardly a child. While Studds was porking a 17 year old page and then gets re-elected for his “lifestyle choice”.
Comment by preiss is nice - October 12, 2006 @ 6:55 am
I agree that it would be a non-story if it weren’t Foley, but this non-story has everything the public wants these days: sex, power, politics and now even the church (the abused altar boy ploy). It will keep running, and in so doing, running the Republicans down into the rut that they have dug themselves.
Comment by ralphieboy - October 12, 2006 @ 7:11 am
They will need a better October surprise than this, if they continue to kick this horse it will have the opposite effect of turning fence sitting voters away. Who wants to hear about endless gay bashing by those who are supposed to be defending gay rights.
Comment by preiss is nice - October 12, 2006 @ 8:42 am
If they had any sense, the Democrats would keep low-key about it & just let it run a while on its own and try to tie in some sports/celebrity figure into the scandal to really ramp it up…
Comment by ralphieboy - October 12, 2006 @ 11:13 am
This is a conundrum for the Dhimmicrats. The Lezbi-Gay-Bi-Trans Gender-gender neutral-Genderless-Terminally Confused Community is one of the sacred cows of modern Liberalism.
I have not seen the text of his e-mails. Are they Rap Music… baaad or are they of the Allen (Nambla) Ginsberg school of poetry… bad.
The Left’s got to be thinking, do they crucify the guy for being a predetory latent homosexual or do they give him a scholarship to Naropa to continue his research on the subject?
“Pox on both your Houses”. Hipocracy’s getting good-wood on this one. Oi vay! Foley has a potential career as a gym teacher. When I was in High and Junior High School, shower-time was show-time for our PE teachers. If I’d have gotten titty-bar wages out of it I would have been driving a brand new Gremlin with mag wheels instead of some crappy ‘65 belvedere with a tree branch and gum plugging the holes in the radiator. But I digress…
As the late great poor Mr Pim Fortuyn found out. To Leftists a conservative homosexual is…well…just not natural.
Comment by Del Hoeft - October 14, 2006 @ 6:20 am
The Republicans seem to have a bit of trouble reconciling ther middle American family values policy with Mr. Foley, especially as he was on a very values-oriented committee.
In general, I prefer the Republicans’ policies, I just have trouble with their views on private and public morality, and the enormous gap that often seems to loom between the two.
Comment by ralphieboy - October 14, 2006 @ 2:49 pm
Just the three of us hanging on: me, del and preiss, just like Peter, John & James in the garden of Gethsemane. Lord, why hast thou foresaken us???
Comment by ralphieboy - October 16, 2006 @ 3:06 am
Ralphieboy and Preiss, I think we’ve squatted this abandoned site long enough to legally claim it as our own.
Comment by Del Hoeft - October 16, 2006 @ 7:45 pm
Michael, did you hear that?
We are going to ANNEX this website! We’ve already promised the British Prime Minister that we will annex no other websites; he assented and flew back to London where he brandished a piece of paper guaranteeing “peace in our time”.
Comment by ralphieboy - October 16, 2006 @ 11:34 pm
All your blogs are belong to us!
Comment by preiss is nice - October 17, 2006 @ 8:05 am
…and tomorrow the world…
Comment by ralphieboy - October 17, 2006 @ 11:20 am
Now that we’ve taken control, what pressing social or political issues shall we tackle? Should puppies get spanked? Is it improper to wear white after Labor Day?
Comment by preiss is nice - October 17, 2006 @ 11:53 am
What about the new Rush quote? Now that’s a topic!
Comment by Michael Meyn - October 17, 2006 @ 6:09 pm
Following our bloodless coup, I move we establish a new Triumvirate. A nessesary step as the original founders fell prey to counter-misunderestimated “elements”. In time we will rehabilitate Their images as heroes to the misunderestimated. ” Fartvergnugen to power” Nietzsche?
Preiss, Issues? “we don’t need no stinking” issues.
Comment by Del Hoeft - October 17, 2006 @ 7:28 pm
@del & pin,
don’t we have to set fire to the Reichstag or something? I want a torchlight parade or two…
@Michael,
I like your Rush quote. God’s big trick is not that he let the bad guys have the oil, it’s that he let the good guys have such enormous cars to drive that they have become dependent on the bad guys to fuel them.
Comment by ralphieboy - October 17, 2006 @ 11:08 pm
Good quote, but I think the joke is on them. Once they have been sucked dry of oil, we will still have huge untapped reserves in Alaska, Gulf of Mexico, and plenty of coal to squeeze. Even China, already an oil addict, will be putty in our hands.
Comment by preiss is nice - October 18, 2006 @ 7:37 am
Even better, by the time they run out of oil, we will have weaned ourselves from it and move on to other sources of energy.
A boy can dream, can’t he?
Comment by ralphieboy - October 18, 2006 @ 8:40 am
RB
We wont be burning it as gas so much, but it will still be valuable since its used to make everything from bike helmets to mothballs. Now that we control this blog shouldnt we rename into something like “Misunderestimated German-Americans”?
Comment by preiss is nice - October 18, 2006 @ 9:42 am
pin, you have a point, we’ll still need the damn stuff to fertilize our crops to maintain our steady diet of Twinkies, Taco Bell burritos, cheese in a spray can and diet beverages.
lessee, new site names:
Misdirected Prussians
Misanthropic Bavarians
Miscalculated Hessians
Miscalibrated Thuringians
Misogynistic Westphalians
Miscarried Rheinlanders…
Comment by ralphieboy - October 18, 2006 @ 10:54 am
Misinformed Teutons
Misguided Huns
Mistrusted East German Socialists
Mistranslated German Zionists
Miss Germany (wearing bikini)
Comment by preiss is nice - October 18, 2006 @ 12:12 pm
Lets have a new topic, how about: Condi vs Hillary catfight in ‘08. Is it possible? and who would win. discuss.
Comment by preiss is nice - October 19, 2006 @ 10:57 am
Hilary hs got to be the candidate of choice for the Republicans: no other Democratic candidate would allow them to rally supporters to the side of American Values and True Conservatism.
Condi would be a much tougher nut for the Democrats to crack: first they would have to play up her role in 9/11 and the Iraq war, but then shift attention to all her loyal party colleagues, who, I suspect, will still not be able to keep their fingers out of the honey pot (and other openings) long enough to get her elected.
Comment by ralphieboy - October 19, 2006 @ 11:10 pm
I’ve read Hillary has the same “honey” problem, so that would remain a non-issue. Neither one would win “Miss Congeniality” either. But then the press is buzzing about Obama today anyway.
Comment by preiss is nice - October 23, 2006 @ 10:05 am
I knew he was being groomed for bigger things, so I guess it should be no surprise to see 2008 turn into Obama-rama. With Hillary as Veep candidate (if she would condescend) they could take on Condi (who will get Jeb Bush as a running mate).
Comment by ralphieboy - October 23, 2006 @ 11:57 am
@ Preiss
“Miss Congeniality”? What about the swimsuit competition? Given the fashion acumen you displayed earlier in this thread…do tell.
Truely methinks. the Houses of Bush and Clinton to be spent. For Hillary there would be the ick-factor of Bill Clinton being the first-man. Furthermore Hillary is an Electoral College nightmare for the Democraps. She had to go carpet-bagging to New York to find a constituency Liberal enough to elect her. Obama? the MSM talk-him-up like they did Dean. He’ll “energize the Base” and then sputter and fizzle. Condi should run for President after a stint as Vice President.
Comment by Del Hoeft - October 23, 2006 @ 8:59 pm
Dont know if Jeb will run, but his son is being groomed to be next multi-ethnic pretty-boy for the republicans, George P Bush.
Comment by preiss is nice - October 24, 2006 @ 9:55 am
Tony Blair’s son Ewan. was arrested after vomiting all over the sidewalks after a drinking binge. He is now known as “Spewin’ Ewan”.
Better hope that the Son of Jeb does not get caught relieving himself outdoors at a frat kegger, or he will get stuck with the monicker “George Pee on Bush”…
Comment by ralphieboy - October 24, 2006 @ 11:16 pm
GPB already survived his frat brat days, he’s a laywer for the attorney generals office in Dallas. If the missing Germans dont show up soon it will be christmas time and we wont hear from them for another two months. But since we have squatters rights anyway: looks like the Bundeswehr has made the news in the last couple days. One item the German press is buzzing about is a photograph of some Bundeswehr troops posing with a skull, probably in Afghanistan. In other news the Bundeswehr is undergoing its first reorganization since 1945 to turn it from a defense force to one that can be used as an international peacekeeping force.
Comment by preiss is nice - October 25, 2006 @ 7:48 am
Maybe this should be named ‘Missing German posts’. After posting #34 it vanished. Post #26 was up the day I posted it, then it vanished for two days before reappearing.
Comment by preiss in nice - October 25, 2006 @ 12:14 pm
Maybe I’ll stop back by in a month and see if anybody is awake. Auf Wiedersehen Ya’ll.
Comment by preiss in nice - October 26, 2006 @ 10:30 am
Anybody know and good John Kerry Jokes? Anybody know how to tell a joke in the first place?
Comment by ralphieboy - November 2, 2006 @ 10:44 am
Kerry? you mean the most productive undercover Republican operative on Roves’ payroll? Nope, no Kerry jokes but heres a German Joke:
A Turkish man gets on a train in Germany and sits down next to a little old German Lady. After a while they begin talking and the Turkish man starts saying that there are already 2 million Turks in the country and there will soon be 3 million and growing while the Germans are decreasing because of lower birth rates and goes on talking about how they will make Germany a muslim country and so on. When he’s done the old lady turns to him and says:
“There used to be 3 million Jews in Germany once”
Comment by preiss is nice - November 3, 2006 @ 9:24 am
Kerry does seem to be wearing a long face, once again. During the last Presidential race I picked up a condescending elitist vibe from him. Was it just me? Perhaps I did n’t apply myself at community college chef school (a man’s gotta eat) and most my renters gots better stuff than me. My advice to Kerry, put some spam and velveeta on yer foot befor yous says what yous thinks.
Hats off to Preis for keeping a lonely vigil. Along with RB. Like wheat, olives and wine, the trinity of mediteranean cuisine we have sustained this site. Enough. I gets sentimental when drinkin Nightrain and frying balony. Gots to send the old lady to Walmart fer another can o’ Sterno.
Comment by Del Hoeft - November 3, 2006 @ 6:53 pm
…here on Gilligan’s Isle…
Comment by ralphieboy - November 3, 2006 @ 10:19 pm
@ Ralphieboy
Do n’t get me started. Gilligan and Mary Ann, too obvious. Ginger’s type always goes for the money. The Professor was a gynophobe, Ginger to threatening, Mary Ann too sisterly (freudian hang-ups there) plus he needed a benefactor. The Howells? there’s a volume in itself. Thirston? old money, private boys school made for a loveless marriage and a cold bed. Mrs Howell wanted passion, yes…that’s it. But who? Gilligan as pool-boy? Once again I’m going with…Just too fricken obvious. Ginger? Mary Ann?, there’s some danger. Mary Ann, a nieve playthink. Do n’t entirely bet on it, but she is the wildcard in this Rubics Cube of sexual highjinks. The Skipper? That ol’ swabbie? From the gutters of Rotterdam to the brothels of Bangkok, animal-vegetable-or-mineral he’d do the Island. A three hour tour? An uncharted Island in the 1960’s? A little buddie? Exotic visitors “stranded” yet always managing to leave alone? A passenger list that included money, glamour, the girl-next-door, etc… Am I saying it was all a setup? the “Skipper” had the muscle, Thirston the bankrole. Just thought I’d put that out there.
Comment by Del Hoeft - November 4, 2006 @ 7:14 am
…not to mention the highly Freudian significance of those coconuts that Gilligan was always dropping and fumbling about.
And don’t forget that the captain was a veteran of the Pacific theater in WWII, back when the Navy paid as much attention to the Geneva Convention as the Japanese did on Luzon when it came to interrogatin prisoners…any question on how he maintained the loyalty of his “little buddy”?
Michael, if you are dropping in and feel a bit confused, then you’d better do some research on afternoon TV, as a newly-minted American citizen, “Gilligan’s Island” is part of your cultural heritage now.
Comment by ralphieboy - November 5, 2006 @ 5:03 am