It’s Time to Study!
Friday, May 19th, will be a very important day for me. A few weeks ago I received a letter from the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS):
“If you are applying for citizenship for yourself, you will be tested on your knowledge of the government and history of the United States. You will also be tested on reading, writing, and speaking English …”
I’m so excited! I’m one step closer to becoming an American. Now I just have to pass this test. Fortunately there are many websites on the internet that provide you with the questions, and fortunately it’s all multiple choice, so only having a slight idea can get you very far sometimes.
I want to share my progress with our readers. This is what I’ve learned so far. If you see any mistakes, PLEASE let me know immediately!
Who wrote the Star Spangled Banner?
( ) Francis Scott Key
( ) George Washington
( ) Thomas Jefferson
(x) Ricky Martin
How many changes or amendments are there to the Constitution?
( ) Very many!
( ) 27
( ) 9
(x) Hard to say. It’s all written in Spanish nowadays.
What is one benefit of being a citizen of the United States?
( ) Travel
( ) Vote for the candidate of your choice
( ) Health care
(x) Hire illegal immigrants
What do the stars on the flag mean?
( ) One for each President
( ) One for each Article of the Constitution
( ) One for each state in the Union
(x) One for each Hispanic cable channel
Who is the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court today?
( ) George W. Bush
( ) Thomas Jefferson
( ) John G. Roberts, Jr.
(x) Alberto Gonzales. Gotta be him!
What did the Emancipation Proclamation do?
( ) Freed the Indians
( ) Ended the Civil War
( ) Freed many slaves
(x) It made us pick a language first before getting cash from an ATM
What is the head executive of a state government called?
( ) Mayor
( ) City President
( ) Congressman
(x) Gobernador
Who makes the laws in the United States?
( ) The President
( ) The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court
( ) Congress
(x) Excellent question!
What is the basic belief of the Declaration of Independence?
( ) That there are 50 states in the Union
( ) That all men are created equal
( ) That George Washington was the first President of the U.S.
(x) Si, se puerde!
What is the name of the ship that brought the Pilgrims to America?
( ) The Santa Maria
( ) The Bill of Rights
( ) The Nina
(x) The Cinco de Mayoflower
Which of the following is not one of the Constitutional requirements in order to be eligible to become President?
( ) Must be at least 35 years old by the time he/she will serve
( ) Must have lived in the U.S. for at least 14 years
( ) Must be a natural born citizen of the U.S.
(x) Must have served as a gobernador
When was the Declaration of Independence adopted?
( ) July 4, 1776
( ) July 4, 1787
( ) July 4, 1812
(x) Mañana
Well, it looks like I’m ready for the big test. What do you think?
Of course Ricky Martin wrote the Star-Spangled Banner, does it not start with the words “Jose, can you see?”
Comment by ralphieboy - May 13, 2006 @ 9:30 am
Don’t tell Michelle Malkin, she will be very suspicious!!
I am happy for you - Good luck!
Just don’t expect us to translate everything into German for you!
Comment by Tejano - May 13, 2006 @ 2:42 pm
Hey, it’s bad enough that America stole half of Mexico’s territory: the worst part is that they took the half with all the paved roads in it…
Comment by ralphieboy - May 13, 2006 @ 2:59 pm
Michael, you have written some very funny posts in the past. This is the funniest. Bye the by, Ralphieboy is right, Ricky Martin did write the ssb.
Comment by GM Roper - May 13, 2006 @ 4:49 pm
Congrats.
Comment by goethe girl - May 14, 2006 @ 8:00 am
I am saddened for you, Michael. I would almost believe that you would refuse cheese were it wrapped in a tortilla or melted over an enchilada. You must exert yourself to overcome this frailty, or what will you do when you suddenly discover that you and the Little Rib are living in Aztlan?
Comment by Bill Brown - May 14, 2006 @ 12:51 pm
Great post and good luck with your exam. I’ve linked to you here: http://consul-at-arms.blogspot.com/2006/05/re-its-time-to-study.html
Comment by Consul-At-Arms - May 15, 2006 @ 7:44 am
Congratulations!
I guess George’s speech last night must’ve really annoyed you.
Take care.
Comment by William - May 16, 2006 @ 8:55 am
funny at first, but i just don’t get the point. please tell me: why all these false spanish answers. perhaps it would make sense to link to the background to your joke? i really don’t get it.
Comment by required ;-) - May 16, 2006 @ 10:59 pm
so why have you killed my comment? (i asked where the point of this story was and asked you to tell something about the background). or IS there no background? you just hate mexicans or what? i _really_ like to understand what’s going on here. help me!
Comment by John Delgado - May 17, 2006 @ 12:58 am
I’m sorry, John. Your comment got deleted by accident. I have to delete a lot of spam every day and it’s possible that I didn’t recognize your comment as such.
Regarding your question: No, I don’t hate Mexicans. I have never met a Mexican I didn’t like. But you ought to read recent posts and pay attention to what’s being reported in the news right now and you might get the deeper meaning of this post.
P.S. I think I found your comment in the spam filter (Nr. 9?)
Comment by Michael Meyn - May 17, 2006 @ 6:53 am
wouldn’t be quite cool put some helping links into the story? so wouldn’t hava seek for da deeper meaning, would save a loada time. pleaz be so kind. i REALLY like to get the point, coz it sounds quite funny, but it also sounds a bit nazi. and that won’t do.
Comment by John "required" Delgado - May 17, 2006 @ 11:02 am
But seriously, folks, do keep in mind that in lots of parts of the USA, they were speaking Spanish long before anyone came along speaking English. And speaking Hopi, Navajo & Pima long before anybody came along speaking Spanish…
Comment by ralphieboy - May 17, 2006 @ 11:05 am
…and grunting long time before!
Comment by John - May 17, 2006 @ 12:44 pm
you can always tag a PC drone by their indiscriminate use of the term nazi.
Comment by Grimmy - May 17, 2006 @ 4:28 pm
I believe it was Woody Allen who had one of film characters utter the phrase “Fascist is a term I use for anything I don’t like”
Comment by ralphieboy - May 17, 2006 @ 10:30 pm
after all still no helpful background information here at all. praise stupidity!
Comment by Stinky - May 18, 2006 @ 12:54 am
I shall now make my meager attempt at elucidation of the background of this post. The majority of the signs and the comments by those in the floods of “immigration rights” marchers seemed designed to give the impression that the “immigrants” had been temporarily displaced from their homeland (Aztlan) and had every right to overthrow all obstacles to return to their rightful land. It is, of course, obvious that any answers to an examination qualifying them to citizenship in Aztlan (cobbled together
Nahuatl) would have reference to something Mexican.
Comment by Bill Brown - May 18, 2006 @ 12:08 pm
I’m sure that Michael was quite grateful that the questions were still in English. Of course, by Friday, we may have become so accommodating to those returning to their homes that the questions then may be in Nahuatl.
Comment by Bill Brown - May 18, 2006 @ 12:15 pm
@john,
listen to the average conversation taking place in the Southwest at a bar/shopping mall/golf course/shooting range and you will find little improvement over primordial grunting!
Comment by ralphieboy - May 18, 2006 @ 10:31 pm
Michael, I came today to check and see if we had results yet… nope, I’ll be back later tonight… good luck…
GM
Comment by GM Roper - May 19, 2006 @ 11:43 am