Cheesy Filipino
My Little Rib demanded a cheesy Filipino for Valentine’s Day. Yes, I was confused myself when she made this unusual request, but I didn’t ask her to clarify because I was working on an extremely funny short-story and I was on a roll. I don’t like to be disturbed when I write. It only takes one tiny distraction for me to lose my train of thought. To a writer that’s pretty much the worst thing that can happen besides failing to save an almost finished story right before the power goes out.
“So …?”
“So what?”
“Are you going to get me one?”
“Get you what?”
“A cheesy Filipino.”
“Why?” I know, that was the wrong question but in my head I was trying to cling to the best punch-line ever.
“Well, I could have asked for diamonds or a trip to Hawaii.”
“Why?”
“That’s what men do on Valentine’s Day.”
“Only if their last name is Trump. Most men buy flowers, don‘t they?”
“Flowers are nice, but it always looks like a last-minute decision.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something nice.”
“I doubt it.”
She left the room and I was able to get back to my story. Needless to say, the train of thought was lost. Why did she want a Filipino? Wasn’t I good enough anymore? And why did he have to be cheesy? Clearly she had too much time on her hands. Her request was born out of boredom; that’s the only explanation. I quickly scanned the Dr. Laura website for work-from-home options.
My Little Rib came back and advised me: “You better hurry!”
“Why? When is Valentine’s Day?”
“Today. Just get me a cheesy Filipino and I’ll be happy.”
“How am I supposed to get one on such short notice?!”
“You can order by phone. They deliver.”
“Do you know how long it takes to have one flown in? At least a day or two!”
“Nonsense! Thirty minutes or the order is free. Here, look!” She pulled a menu out of a drawer and pointed at a mouth-watering picture of a Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich.
Mind you, we speak German at home. Well, we try but it’s turning more and more into a German-English mix. We begin a sentence in German and finish it in English or vice versa. Sometimes we even give a German word an English ending. Worst case scenario is not remembering a word or a name neither in English nor in German and then trying to get as close as possible. That’s when it gets really difficult and sometimes we have to mentally regroup and start over. Nevertheless, we made a deal a long time ago that we would never make fun of each other. It’s bad enough that our American friends have a hard time trying to keep a straight face when we speak.
So, I fell off the chair, laid on my back, legs and arms up in the air and I was laughing tears. Only for a few seconds, though, then I was crying tears because my Little Rib walked up to my computer and pulled the plug.
Good-bye funniest short-story ever! Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day, of course …
Ob’s hier passt oder nicht - keen Tied! Kurzerhand:
http://www.wams.de/z/plog/blog.php/apocalypso/der_blogwart/2006/02/14/weblog_carnival
Comment by Olaf Petersen - February 14, 2006 @ 8:23 am
“You can order by phone. They deliver.”
That was an hilarious story. I am still giggling. It reminds me of the time I went to Spain and tried to tell the bar owner, in my terrible Spanish, that I wanted a Fanta limon, except that I told him that I loved him a fanta limon.
Comment by Elzbth - February 14, 2006 @ 8:29 pm
Cheesy Filipino? yeh…mullet, Trans Am, flaired double nit slacks (the kind that lift and separate the testicles), Bee Gees 8-tracks. Knew ‘em in High School. Shit, did I just date myself?
Comment by Del Hoeft - February 14, 2006 @ 10:38 pm
As an American living in Germany, I had a nice laugh after reading this post. My other half, is German. We often use our special language which we call Germish. One or the other will start a sentence in German or English and finish in either English or German. For our friends who are only German couples, our language sounds very strange. My wife still translates everything for me even though I can understand most of everything that is said in German. For our friends who are of mixed langauage couples, they speak the same language as my wife and I. Whether you call it Germish or Denglisch. Last summer I asked my father “Where is a Bratpfanne?”. I couldn’t remember what the word was in English, and my father said “Where is a What?”. So than I was reduced to describing what I wanted. I said “You know, a round metal device for cokking eggs.” He replied “Oh you mean a frying pan.” I felt so stupid, I had some other situations like this during my three week visit “back home”. I have also said some very funny things in German as well as I have learned the language. My wife wants to write a book about our experience. It just goes with the territory I guess when you leave your Native country and you live in a foreign country.
Comment by N.Hale - February 27, 2006 @ 1:07 am
“Where is a Bratpfanne?”
Thanks for sharing a little slice of your experiences! I had a nice laugh, too
Comment by Juergen Krafzik - February 27, 2006 @ 5:11 pm
Very funny, N.Hale! It is indeed amazing how quickly you forget your native language, sometimes without noticing it. I can’t tell you how hard my Little Rib laughed when I told her that I hurt my “Kniekappe”. And I couldn’t figure out why she was laughing!
Comment by Michael Meyn - February 27, 2006 @ 6:21 pm
My wife and I are native English speakers living in Germany. We speak English at home and I fastidiously try to avoid mixing languages, but sometimes English just oes not have a convenient equivalent word.
OIne example is a “Funkloch” - a gap in the mobile telephone coverage network. We have taken to calling it a “funky hole”, as in “I have to hang up honey, I’m comning into a funky hole now!”
Comment by ralphieboy - February 27, 2006 @ 11:25 pm
Mine was a bit different. As one who had nothing left as a high dchool major but Spanish, and who had spent my last Summer before the draft in Central America and Mexico, I had definite trouble shifting linguistic gears. My first night out in Franfurt I pointed to an ice cream cone. “Zwanzig?”, the vendor asked. “Si”, I replied, and walked away with a ten pfennig dab of ice cream hiding on top of my cone. My class in Basic German was ganz verloren.
Comment by Bill Brown - March 25, 2006 @ 11:36 am