American Superficiality…
…does exist indeed. But it is far less unpleasant as many Germans make it out to be. It even can be useful. For example, if a woman should hear the sentence “I love your blouse!” more than three times within 24 hours it’s time for a new direction in fashion. The same goes for men who get confronted with the following: “You got a new haircut …” Pause … pause … still pause … “Looks really good!” Then you can be certain that the barber screwed up and it might be desirable to take a trip far away from civilization or at least sue for millions.
Germans also know that the question “How are you?” should not be answered with a lengthy life story. Nobody would be interested in that. Therefore no answer should be longer than “Fine, thank you.” And, please, always give a positive response. A whiny “Oh, I’m not doing very well today.” would force the Americans to more superficial politeness.
When asked by the boss on Monday “How was your weekend?” it’s wise to answer quick and precise, preferably great or shitty, because by actually giving away details of your weekend you might find yourself talking to nobody since the boss has already rushed passed you back into his office, asking a customer on the phone about his weekend. A swift great or shitty will trigger an even swifter “That’s good!” before the boss enters his office.
A customer who calls our shop will hear this first: “Good Afternoon! Thank you for calling Signs Now! This is Elaine. How can I help you?” For us Germans this would be too much information to reveal before even knowing who we are talking to. But Elaine is a real pro! I used to have a co-worker with a trimmed down version: “Signs!” I loved it, my boss didn’t.
I spent some time in Germany in 2004. I used to go to a little kiosk almost every day to buy cigarettes. The owner and I interacted without any words every single time. Ok, I had to tell him which brand I wanted to buy, but even that wouldn’t have been necessary if he had at least looked at me. Because of my laziness I didn’t boycott his store. - A cashier in a grocery store almost stoned me to death with change because I failed to weigh a watermelon and print out a price tag for it. For a while it looked like he was going to send me back to the fruit stand but it was my luck that I’m capable of putting a real grim look on my face, so he had to do it himself. It must have been the worst day of his life.
When I go to the supermarket here in Las Vegas people welcome me with an almost hysterical “Welcome to Smith’s! Thank you sooooo much for coming in!” Even the cashiers greet me friendly while packing my groceries in bags (something that will never happen in Germany and the bags cost extra). At the exit it gets a little hysterical again: “Thank you sooo much for shopping at Smith’s! Please come again!” Since the competition is tough it wouldn’t surprise me if I get a big hug soon before I leave the store.
It’s all simulated, no question about it. But I like it. I’m much more relaxed when I don’t have to go on a hunt for a drink in a bar but get great and friendly service. I like it when the waiters introduce themselves, patiently taking the orders and making sure that our glasses are always filled. American politeness makes life in public much easier and less challenging.
My Little Rib hasn’t been living in the United States that long but she’s already the perfect American. A few days ago she tried a new recipe for dinner. It was quite not good.
“Mmmmmmm, this is tasty!” was my superficial comment with a little tremble in my voice and a suppressed gag reflex.
“Thanks, honey!” she replied in the most amazingly feigned gratefulness. “How was your weekend?”
I’m so proud of her!
I am an American living abroad since 1988. I remember coming back to visit Flagstaff Arizona and stopping by a breakfast café on Route 66.
The waitress sidled up and asked, “What’ll it be, sweetheart?”. I cannot imagine any waitress/waiter in Germany addressing me on such terms unless I was a regular of long standing.
It might’ve been superficial, but it was right pleasant.
Comment by ralphieboy - January 8, 2006 @ 9:18 am
What Europeans call “superficial” most Americans call “pleasantries”. As you know and have pretty much stated we Americans prefer “friendliness”. This often leads to or is a by-product of our “optimism” which so many Europeans dislike. Don’t you just love it when we Americans say hi to strangers on a street? I’ve met several Europeans who have apoplexy over that! Thanks for your post.
Comment by JD - January 8, 2006 @ 11:42 am
I’m a German citizen living in the US since 1987. Loved your posting, it’s so true. On my first job in the US, when my boss asked how are you? I actually told him how I was - he looked at me like I had lost my marbles. Since then my answer to everything is “Thank you, I’m fine.” Besides that, I’m now not able to go shopping in Germany. I insist a relative must accompany me at all times and take care of the taging, bagging, etc… It is just to stressful to do it by myself, I’m on vacation after all. I just love America and I’ll not be living in Germany on a permanent basis, that’s for sure.
Comment by Elisabeth Buker - January 8, 2006 @ 5:28 pm
I’m sending you enviously greetings from the service-desert Germany. Nice post to read (and so true, especially the part about this Country of Mülltrennung).
Comment by Don Loc - January 9, 2006 @ 4:12 am
Don’t forget that English has long since dispensed with the “formal” and “informal” forms of address, and even people with titles are commonly referred to by their first names (Dr. Laura, Judge Judy, Dr. Phil).
Even after fifteen years living here, I still find it amusing to hear Germans introduce themselves by clicking their heels and stating their last name like recuits on a parade ground.
Comment by ralphieboy - January 9, 2006 @ 10:10 am
All is not a service wasteland in Germany. There is a little bakery in Haar, across the street from Ernst Mach school. I’ve traveled to 47 states, yet, I’ve never had kinder or friendlier service than in this bakery in Haar. In the market in Viktualienmarkt one of my host sons was helping me pick out strawberries. He was SO helpful I was delighted when his handy rang! The very kind owner of the stall winked at me (a VERY sweet, understanding wink!) and we quickly picked out the best of the strawberries…..before my host son finished his call. I have a hundred memories of such kindness shown to me in Germany.
Comment by JLWB - January 9, 2006 @ 7:52 pm
JLWB,
I agree with you, these cases indeed do exists and there are many of them. The difference, i think, is that this kindness rather comes from the special person than from a general consensus of polite service here in Germany. Of course, this doesnt make it less worthy - in contrary, its even more enjoyable. On the other hand, this unfortunatly doesnt make it up for the widely spread negative attitude about kind service here.
Comment by Don Loc - January 10, 2006 @ 8:16 am
I love German bakeries, real bread, a dozen varieties of rolls, pastries and the like, but most of them close shop at 6pm and if you show up at 5:45, you are lucky to find a half-dozen rolls and a loaf of bread or two left on the shelves.
There is a big discussion here about extending opening hours to allow 24-hour shopping during the World Cup here in June & July (current rules allow 12/6: 8am-8pm mon-sat).
I find it strange that foreigners will be offered more convenience than the Germans themselves. And they wonder why the economy is growing, but the labor market is shrinking.
Comment by ralphieboy - January 10, 2006 @ 11:13 am
ralphieboy,
Agreed concerning German bakeries; nuthin’ sweeter in this world…uh, besides me that is… Anyway, in my small town we have a bakery that is opened from 8-11 on Sunday mornings and by around 9 is completely pillaged of all baked goods. At 7:45 armed with my cloth bags and nosed pressed to the glass of the bakery door, I am ready to do battle. Hell has no fury like getting in-between an American woman and her German bakery products.
Doesn’t the closing of stores on Sunday have a base in some religious belief? In America as I recall, there were the Blue Laws which were derived from religious beliefs.
Comment by Claudia - January 11, 2006 @ 5:43 am
When I was a kid in the USA in the early 60’s there were Blue Laws, even gas stations were closed. They disappeared by the turn of the 70’s and by the 80’s, shops were opening 24/7.
One argument often given here for shops closing Sundays/holidays is that “I wouldn’t work on a Sunday, so I don’t see why the shop employees should have to.” I respond by saying that if Germans truly felt so strongly about the sanctity of their Sundays & holidays, nobody would shop in the first place, and the stores would have no reason to open at all. But there seems to be a strange attitude here that anything not forbidden must be compulsory.
There are exemptions, of course. Gas stations can sell “travel requisites”, which seem to be defined as “nothing that is either healthy or necessary”, such as booze, snacks, candy and girlie magazines.
Tourist areas may also grant Sunday exemptions and local laws permit shops to open four Sundays a year, usually in connection with a town festival or other event. And people flock to the shops, despite the sanctity of the Sunday. Go figure.
Comment by ralphieboy - January 11, 2006 @ 10:07 am