Signs what?!
To those of you who know me from Gegenstimme it will come as no surprise that my first posting is going to be about…me. I do that all the time. People come to our German blog hoping for some interesting news in politics and other important issues, only to find themselves in the middle of me ranting about my bug infested apartment, a broken water pipe or my personal war with an army of hysterical overweight women. Scheisse happens and I need to get that Scheisse off my chest. To me that’s the real purpose of a blog.
But today I won’t bother you with any negative stories regarding my private life. This is just a little column about my job here in Las Vegas to let you know what I do for a living. I’m not sure how motivated Ouzo-loving Juergen and our beautiful Miss Underestimated are, but maybe, in time, they will give you a little insight into their private lifes, too…
I work in a sign shop called Signs Now, a franchise of a big corporation with hundreds of sign shops all over the country. The name itself is probably the biggest oxymoron ever. It suggests that you will get your sign right away but the truth is you’ll get it much later.
We are still waiting for one brave employee who will, in extremely stressful times (which is basically every day), answer the phone by saying: “Thank you for calling Signs Not Right Now!”
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I have been with the company for almost six years and as long as I am wanted I do not intend to look for anything better. My boss Terry and his wife Ruth are a delightful couple and devoted Christians who always make you feel like you’re part of a big family. I couldn’t ask for better employers. They even accept grumpy Germans!
We typically start the day with a little meeting during which the production manager informs us about the work load for the next 8-24 hours.
“Ok, this job is due by noon, then we need this job done today and that job, of course. Then, if you can (that’s code for you better!) work on these five little jobs here. Also, we misplaced a work order for a job that was due three years ago. If you have some downtime please start on that ASAP. As far as the rush orders go, there are ALOT! Mostly easy stuff but the quantities might push us into overtime. Good news: we only had two unsatisfied costumers yesterday, so we need to figure out a way to redo the monument sign as well as the wrap of the shuttle bus by the end of the day, if not sooner. They are bringing back the bus around three’ish. One of my printers is on strike and I need to focus on that problem, which is why I won’t be able to give you a hand today. Any questions? No, we will not hire more people.”
You can count on one thing: right after the production meeting Ruth will appear and completely change the whole “schedule“. Generally she starts by saying “We have a little challenge here…” That, too, is code for how long can you go without sleep?
Sometimes she has one-on-one meetings that begin like this: “I wanted to ask you something…” It is very important without yet having heard the question to tell her right away that your spare time is a very special part of your life. Otherwise you can kiss your weekend good-bye. As a German immigrant I occasionally use the language barrier to my advantage (Oh, you meant last weekend? Oops, I must have misunderstood you. I’m so sorry! So who did the job after all?).
Terry is our mystery boss. He sits in his office behind closed doors and rarely comes out. When he does it’s usually right in the middle of you daydreaming for a minute or taking a power nap under the work bench. He never yells but I know he’s collecting evidence! That’s why I’ve made it a rule to carry a 4×8 wood board with me to look busy at all times. Even under the work bench.
His work orders are the reason why some employees have started passing Prozac around. He draws a square on the paper and provides us with information like “Make this sign”. He expects results, too! Should you consult him for a few more hints you end up even more confused.
There’s a certain love-hate relationship between the designers and the production crew. Designers hate us when we don’t get their jobs done right but they are able to feign the greatest love of all just to squeeze in a rush order. We, the production people, dislike designers because it’s the right thing to do, and we love them when they don’t bug us for at least two hours or even call in sick. That gives us time to catch up.
Next time you’re in Vegas look us up and say hi. I’m sure we have the right sign for you. Just give us a few weeks to make it. And look for that guy carrying that 4×8 wood board around. That’s me!
